On my way home in a cab...
Heavy downpour...
Listening to the huge droplets hitting the windshield & the moving wipers...

I saw flashes of my past experiences as i recalled this week's episode of Tab TV (Self Mutilators).

What is self-mutilation? It is defined as an act that involves deliberately inflicting pain and/or injury to one's own body, but without suicidal intent.

The victims shown on tv reflected on what i did.One of my classmates started cutting her wrist with a penknife.i was curious,so i gave it a try.i did not go to the extreme of deep cuts.just a slight,painless slash.i'm someone who is afraid of the slightest PAIN.i thought simple slashes were boring,so i went on to carve words on my hand.i made sure i do not cut myself too deep to cause pain,just deep enough for a some blood to be seen.

i was nuts,i admit it.i was even nuts to carve the band 'SUEDE' on my hand when my friend dared me to. We were both die-hard fans of Suede.i must have gone outta my mind when i accepted the dare from Joel.i was caught by my accounting teacher & was sent to the discipline master.he gave me a chance & warned me about calling my parents if i were to repeat my mistake.i stopped after that day. Today, looking back at what i did,i feel really foolish to have given in to mutilation.Not only have i gotten myself scars, it is a sin against the Holy Spirit...

As someone with personal experience of self-injury I have witnessed first hand the fear and lack of understanding that surrounds the issue of self-injury.

Many myths are attached to self-injury. For example, it is often thought that people who self-injure do so in an attempt to kill themselves. Yet self-injury is often used as a way of coping with difficulties or distress; a way of continuing life, not ending it.

One of the facts that people who self-injure are manipulative 'attention-seekers'. They think it is cool to self-injure.They enjoy the attention shown and they may even attempt to dare people to do the same. Some people enjoy the sensation as the blades slide down their skin.It feels like being on a roller coaster ride.

Another reason for self-injury is having experienced being in an intolerable and uncontrollable situation, from which there is no escape (other than perhaps cutting).Rapid but temporary relief following the cutting.

It is freaky to learn the way people take self-mutilation,the way they use it as an escape from their problems/difficulties,the reasons they did it.
I merely did it out of curiousity,a moment of folly.i was totally freaked out after i learnt about some of the psychological aspects of the self-mutilators.

Self injurious behaviours:
* cutting * hitting or bruising oneself * excessive skin picking or scraping * interfering with the healing of wounds by opening them * the insertion of sharp objects under the skin or into body orifices * causing abrasions by scrubbing oneself * breaking bones * swallowing harmful substances or sharp objects

Why do people self-injure?
* relief of feelings * self-punishment * control * comfort * to feel real or alive * communication